“Waiting for Last Year”
It’s been so long since I woke up hungry, ready for whatever the world wings my way. I felt that today, it was so strange, an alien thing.
I have to wonder why I’m never happy. I’ve had it my way, make no mistake. So often lost in memories, I’m stuck on reruns.
Turned out a whole lot harder than I thought, to get off my ass and back on the clock. I remember a time not so long gone when I loved my life.
It will never be the way that it was. We can’t wait for yesterday.
I’m feeling closer to my grave lately but still wasting time.
There it goes. It’s gone.
Life flows by the window but we're not going out there now.
I remember life, it was so beautiful.
That all seems so long ago. When we were going somewhere.
We want control and we know it is impossible.
It’s so hard to let it go. We don’t want to be wrong.
It’s a miracle we get anything done at all.
We’re hungry for answers, just waiting for blood to spill.
Days and nights are all blurring lines.
None of this seems quite real. We’ve got nothing but time.
Wasted my life but it’s never too late to be yourself. There is time to start over. I’ve been hiding for so long that I feel like a stranger.
I want to be brave. I’d like to love who I am but I feel afraid.
Pretending isn’t always easy.
No faking, need to feel the real thing, there’s no simple way.
If I’m being honest, feel like a lost cause for most of the day.
Not done trying, facing forward, failing, falling down on my face.
Here comes another day. Which way will I choose? Where might I seek the truth? How can I see through illusion? The gift is given again. The question is, what will I do with it? I wish I was not afraid. I can only pretend to be braver than I am. Oh well, there goes another one.
My best friends are dead felines. I could talk to them.
They would listen, lying close by in silent reassurance.
Something simple is such a rare thing.
It’s growing quieter inside, just me, the mice and the spiders nesting in the window frame up high.
There is new life growing. Something’s beginning.
It makes me want to try again. I want to try again.
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